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WARNING: This may be controversial for you to read. This may be a post that you read and decide that I am a horrible mother and you will never again return to my blog. I guess I risk that every time I write, but this in this instance I might lose a few of you.
I am not writing this to tick anyone off nor do I believe that any way other than ours is wrong or bad. My husband and I do what we think is best for our entire family and this is one area that often prompts discussion among friends.
Saving for our retirement is a priority for us; even above that of saving for our son’s education.
Why, do you ask, do we not love our son enough to save money for his future? We do save for him but in much smaller amounts than we save for ourselves. Does this make us bad parents? To some people, yes it probably does. However, if you are still with me, please continue to read to see our reasoning behind this:
All of our retirement depends solely on what we can put into the system. We will have to depend on a combination of Social Security (if it still exists in 35-40 years) and any savings we have made the effort to invest to provide income for all of our remaining days after leaving our jobs. We will have the option to go back to work part-time, but I currently do not enjoy the prospect of retiring from work so that I can go get a job.
Our son, however, will have a few options:
1.) Money that he has saved: We plan on working with him regarding money management skills and the importance of setting spending/saving priorities and living within a budget.
2.) Scholarships: We plan on providing for him the best primary and secondary education we possibly can (both at school and at home) so that he can be successful academically. We plan to explore any activities he expresses interest in and shows a God-given talent for. Also, there are many special group or special interest scholarships available, as well as some that depend on solely what he decides to study.
3.) Grants: There is a LOT of free money out there. We will certainly investigate all of our options. For instance, we happen to live in a state that offers fully paid tuition for students that meet certain academic requirements and attend school in a state-funded university.
4.) Loans: No, I am not advocating debt, but I will say that if you have to borrow money for anything, a quality education is a good investment. These are generally low-interest loans and are tax-deductible, so I would rather his debt exist because he has an education rather than because he needed a new stereo.
All this being said, we are teaching are son several things in this, we believe. Firstly we are teaching him that he has to work to provide for himself as an adult. Yes, we will be there to hopefully be able to catch him if/when he falls, but he will be taking responsibility for himself. Secondly, how to live within a budget that he is responsible for. Also, we are raising him to be a successful adult, but we will trust him to do for himself as soon as he is capable. And lastly, we are expressing that we are still a healthy, vibrant (we hope!) couple that has a lot of time to spend together in retirement, and we need to provide for ourselves as well. I do not think we would be setting a good example if we went broke providing for him. I do not want him to feel like he has to support US once he has achieved his success in life.
So, you can hate us if you want, but we have prayed about it, and we believe that God supports what we are doing. Although we do save for him a bit, we want to be able to afford to visit him in the affordable house that he purchases after paying off all of those student loans. We love our son so much, that we plan to teach him a few things instead of giving him everything he desires.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Repost--Some People Think We Are Bad Parents...
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8 comments:
Don't hate you for it. Actually believe this is a smart way to go. We are the same way. Oh we will help in any way we can afford when the time comes. But that does not include a second mortgage or anything like that.
You are in good company here too! I didn't have a dime when I went to college because my parents were poor farmers. It didn't kill me to pay for my own education. I am still paying for it, but hey, it made me a responsible adult. I am one to believe firmly in teaching our children independence not dependence. Thanks for stopping by my blog!
Suzy Orman talked of this on her show once...it is exactly what she said. Dont mess w/ your retirement. Kids have so many options like you mentioned. when is the last time anyone got a grant to retire early?
Have a great day!
Oh that's just terrible... NOT!!! I think this makes you normal, or not only because most people aren't even saving for their retirement either!!! My kids have mutual funds started by their grandparents, so what ever is in those will probably be it!
Some may think I'm even worse because I take half of THEIR Christmas & birthday money and give it to my parents for an annual contribution for the funds... bad mommy!!!
You do not owe you kids a college education.. You do owe your kids their freedom from having to take care of you financially when you are old.
Child abuse!!
lol.
I think you are correct and couldn't agree more.
Mike
We have SIX children between the ages of 10 and 19 and we're not paying for college for any of them. It's not that we wouldn't love to, but it's just not possible. We encourage them to work hard and get good grades for scholarships. The oldest two have done so, and both are going to school strictly on grants and scholarships. The next in line just finished her Freshman year in high school with a 4.125 GPA, and with JROTC and the Performing Arts Magnet Program on her resume as well.
I am proud that our kids have taken their futures into their own hands. I think they just work harder knowing that there isn't going to be a free education in their future any other way.
On the other hand, when I was in college, the kids whose parents paid for their educations instead of having to work for it were the ones who were on academic probation by their 2nd semester. It's easy to throw it away when you're handed things. I think you're on the right track. You're teaching your son self reliance and giving him the reins to his future. Way to go!
Some may regard what you are doing as tough love - and I would agree but it is necessary if you want to give your son the best shot at making his own way in this world.
What you are trying to do is to make him an independent thinker well able to fend for himself financially.
To me that is worth more than any trust fund. As the saying goes..give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...teach a man how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
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