Confessions of THIS Working Mom

Photo credit: ks

There is often found some animosity between moms who stay at home with their children full time and others who work outside of the home. Each seems to think the other attacks them...and some actually do. Regardless of which side of the fence you (or your wife) sit on today, know that these confessions are my heartfelt feelings. They are not personal. They may not even be truth. But they are how I feel at this moment in my life.

1. I always wanted a career. Growing up I probably wanted a career more than children. I excelled academically and felt this was my obvious path.
2. I entered a male-dominated field because engineering is something that I'm good at. It makes sense to me. If I had to choose a career over again, I would choose this one again a hundred times over.
3. I realized how much I wanted to have a child when I suspected I was pregnant and miscarrying due to some major trauma in my life. I was heartbroken over the loss of this possible child and knew then that I wanted to be a mom.
4. Becoming a mom has changed my entire perspective on my life. It gave me new purpose. It gave me new focus. It gave me new goals.
5. I am the breadwinner of our family. It is due to the fact that I chose a field that allows financial growth when promotions arise. Being pretty good at what I do, I have received promotions and that has allowed a growing paycheck.
6. I care only about my career at this point in my life because it provides a livelihood for my family.
7. I THINK I would love to stay at home with the children. I would love to interact with them more frequently on a daily basis. I dream of things I would do with them and ways I would teach them about the world we live in.
8. I also know that I might not be that great of a stay at home mom. There are plenty of times that I feel I lose my patience too easily, and I would hate to impart that on my children so frequently.
9. I wish I could give it a try just to see. And I could work on my patience and grow with my children.
10. I probably will never get that wish.
11. I hate thinking of all of the class trips I won't be able to chaperone.
12. I hate all of the bake sales I will miss working because I'll be at work.
13. I hate thinking of the before school and after school hours my children will have to endure because I have a career.
14. I hate feeling like I am letting my children down because they will not truly have a "summer break" from school like I did.
15. I think I would volunteer more often if I stayed at home with my children. It seems like I would be able to do more in the evenings or even once they were both in school that would benefit the greater good. Now my evenings are spent making sure I spend time with them so I am not completely absent from their lives.
16. I get frustrated when I read about stay at home moms who complain that they have too much housework in addition to their mom duties. I feel like I have to also fill the role of mom in addition to the same amount of housework WHILE juggling a career.
17. Then I feel guilty knowing that I haven't walked a mile in their shoes.
18. But then I feel that way again when I read it from another.
19. I get jealous that my son wants to spend more time with his dad because he's the fun one. I agree...he is the fun one. But I still get jealous.
20. I love when I come home to two children who light up when I walk in the door. They often run over to hug me and say "Mom!" It also breaks my heart that they have had reason to miss me.

So. There it is laid on the table for all to see.

Like I said...it is not to offend. It is simply how I feel. And I just felt like I needed to release it today.

Thanks for listening.

Is there anything you need to get off of your chest?